Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #1 |
what if you don't like that your child is in cheer?
When I have picked dd up from practice, I don't see much going on...and I have arrived early to watch. I know at some point something is being done because the girls do the cheers well at games.
I am concerned as my child continues to eat like she did as a dancer but doesn't seem to be exerting as much so it appears that she is gaining weight. ( by the way, I don't have custody...long story but I am not a bad, abusive mother). She says so is, but I don't see it.
She needs to be back in dance.
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
azmom
Platinum Member
Registered: Dec 23, 2007
Posts: 1,595
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #2 |
Oh, I feel ya, for sure! Mine quit competitive dance to play rec soccer. Mine still dances some, but is now falling behind some of the other girls in her (former) group who train twice as much. And soccer is SO boring! I'm getting a little more into the games, but it is rec soccer so there is a lot of everyone running after the ball, not a lot of discipline at all.
So, I think what you do is... nothing. You show up to watch her, you tell her how great she is, you NEVER mention her figure (she will notice, believe me!) Ultimately, it's their lives to choose what to do with, and our best roles as moms is to be their cheerlearders (seriously). Good luck! |
| |
melpadgett
High Platinum Member
Registered: March 23, 2006
Posts: 3,764
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #3 |
Nadine, my younger daughter HATED cheer because it was boring (she was used to dancing, lol) but they were a pee-wee squad so they just did sideline cheers and maybe one cheer-dance for a competition. My older dd LIVED for cheer (she also danced) and they spent a lot of time stretching and doing stunts...was your dds squad a least doing stunting? I can't imagine cheerleaders standing around, lol!!! I even remember (800 years ago, lol)when I cheered it seemed like we were always jumping around! |
| |
scottishdancemom
High Gold Member
Registered: May 14, 2008
Posts: 761
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #4 |
Smile, Cheer her on, and be the bestest cheer mom ever. If you say anything that is remotely negative, even a look that could be construed as negative...could drive a large wedge in between you. Wear her cheer colors, clap and yell when appropriate and smile Show her that what is important to her is important to you. In your best dancemom heart, show her you can also be a dynamic cheer mom! You'll do great! We all know how much you love her, so just be what she needs...
__________________
Kel's dance mom
Dance like everyone is watching! |
| |
classydance
Silver Member
Registered: July 22, 2009
Posts: 58
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #5 |
I agree with all others. . Just watch stunts. . About 70% of all female ER athletic emergencies are cheer related. Inexperienced coaches, unpadded floors, too- tall pyramids, no strength.
Try a Gym with a competitive cheer team. She will work harder, be better supervised, learn more, and cheer, stunt, and tumble at a higher level. |
| |
Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #6 |
To me what she is doing is boring...I don't see how being constantly challenged physically and mentally for dance even comes close to what she is doing. She says she loves it...but I have my own opinions as to why she says that. Last year, until right after the first comp, she was already planning her solo for this year and lining up trio partners. It is a long, ugly, messy story. If things had stayed the way they were, she could have done both. She told me last year that she wanted NOTHING to do with cheer...
they are stunting..she complains about being a base as it HURTS!! I am not thrilled about her lifting girls up but I wouldn't want her lifted either.
She now takes gymnastics at a gym that has a competitive cheer team..ugh.
Sorry..I think a small part of my negative attitude is that I was one of the ones that the cheerleaders tormented when I was in school.
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
lildancersmom
Platinum Member
Registered: Jan 16, 2006
Posts: 1,628
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #7 |
we were where you are last yr but my dd was only 10. She quit dance altogether - and started competitive cheerleading and tumbling at the gymnastics club. She wanted nothing to do with dance and I hated it. She was a great dancer - who loved being on stage but she was extremely burnt out after a couple years of very intense schedules (10-14 hrs per week sinces she was 7). But eventually she tiired of cheer and realized how much she missed dance - she didn;t want to return to her old studio so we found one that was what she needed - less hours but advanced enough for her to be challenged and we did and she's back. Maybe she'll outgrow this faze and be back dancing. But remember while she is cheering be the best cheer mom you can be and support her at everything she does
__________________
I need to change my name to dd is not so little - she is growing up before my eyes |
| |
Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #8 |
Quote: Originally Posted by lildancersmom
we were where you are last yr but my dd was only 10. She quit dance altogether - and started competitive cheerleading and tumbling at the gymnastics club. She wanted nothing to do with dance and I hated it. She was a great dancer - who loved being on stage but she was extremely burnt out after a couple years of very intense schedules (10-14 hrs per week sinces she was 7). But eventually she tiired of cheer and realized how much she missed dance - she didn;t want to return to her old studio so we found one that was what she needed - less hours but advanced enough for her to be challenged and we did and she's back. Maybe she'll outgrow this faze and be back dancing. But remember while she is cheering be the best cheer mom you can be and support her at everything she does
I can't support her the way i would if i could...her father's fiancee is there and she prefers her...
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
cldancersmom
Gold Member
Registered: April 10, 2008
Posts: 414
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #9 |
Mom2Dncr - I also agree with scottishdancemom, but would add that I can not imagine the pain you must be going through seeing your baby turn to this new woman. I take from your comments that the fiancee is the reason for cheerleading? Just take scottishdancemom's advice. Be there, smile, and cheer her on as much as the situation will allow you to do, and know that she will come back when the "newness" wears off. |
| |
Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #10 |
Quote: Originally Posted by cldancersmom
Mom2Dncr - I also agree with scottishdancemom, but would add that I can not imagine the pain you must be going through seeing your baby turn to this new woman. I take from your comments that the fiancee is the reason for cheerleading? Just take scottishdancemom's advice. Be there, smile, and cheer her on as much as the situation will allow you to do, and know that she will come back when the "newness" wears off.
You cannot imagine....
She has to text this woman to let her know when I pick her up from school but she won't text me to tell me how her day was...
I have no money to go back to court.....
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
cldancersmom
Gold Member
Registered: April 10, 2008
Posts: 414
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #11 |
My heart just breaks for you. You were always soooo supportive of her. She will come back and the newness will wear off sooner than later. The first time she really wants something and they have to say no, it will be gone. Mom, no matter how "fun," is always unpopular with tween and teenage girls at some point. I'll say a little prayer for you and your dd tonight. |
| |
ozmum
Platinum Member
Registered: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 1,837
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #12 |
Nadine,
No suggestions on the cheer thing - I'm thankful my daughter thought it was boring and only did it one season! (she cheered for a football team and it was F R E E Z I N G watching her).
I'm sorry that your dd is almost 'punishing' you with her behavior. I too feel that with time she will grow up and realize the love you have for her, but until that realization comes, you are left with dealing with a lot of pain and hurt.
If you didn't go and watch her cheer, would she then realize what is 'missing' and start including you? |
| |
Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #13 |
Quote: Originally Posted by ozmum
Nadine,
No suggestions on the cheer thing - I'm thankful my daughter thought it was boring and only did it one season! (she cheered for a football team and it was F R E E Z I N G watching her).
I'm sorry that your dd is almost 'punishing' you with her behavior. I too feel that with time she will grow up and realize the love you have for her, but until that realization comes, you are left with dealing with a lot of pain and hurt.
If you didn't go and watch her cheer, would she then realize what is 'missing' and start including you?
Nope...because the other woman would be there.
I don't feel much like a mom anymore. My siggy says it all.
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
azmom
Platinum Member
Registered: Dec 23, 2007
Posts: 1,595
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #14 |
Quote: Originally Posted by ozmum
If you didn't go and watch her cheer, would she then realize what is 'missing' and start including you?
I think that, hard as it must be, it's good that you are still showing up and being there for her. Our kids treat us like the air that they breathe and totally take us for granted, but still they need us. I would guess from the way that she's been acting that she's hurting too, and eventually she will realize that you've been there for her, all along, and you will continue to do so. I feel that my older dd, at 17, is only now just beginning to have an understanding of what we, as parents, have been doing for her her whole life. Ironically, I think part of what has prompted this realization in her is that she can now see how little time left she really has to live at home... |
| |
Mom2Dncr
Platinum Member
Registered: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 1,821
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #15 |
Quote: Originally Posted by azmomQuote: Originally Posted by ozmum
If you didn't go and watch her cheer, would she then realize what is 'missing' and start including you?
I think that, hard as it must be, it's good that you are still showing up and being there for her. Our kids treat us like the air that they breathe and totally take us for granted, but still they need us. I would guess from the way that she's been acting that she's hurting too, and eventually she will realize that you've been there for her, all along, and you will continue to do so. I feel that my older dd, at 17, is only now just beginning to have an understanding of what we, as parents, have been doing for her her whole life. Ironically, I think part of what has prompted this realization in her is that she can now see how little time left she really has to live at home...
She's not hurting...she has a "mom", her father, a big "sister", and a big "brother" now...everything she always wanted but didn't have with me.
She continues to make it clear that she doesn't need me, other than to entertain her on the weekends she is here. Between times, I am just an annoyance to her.
I don't know her anymore....
__________________
Nadine
Not the babysitter anymore...just someone she tolerates because the court order says so.... |
| |
AshleysMOM
Novice Member
Registered: Oct 29, 2009
Posts: 5
|
|
|
Reply with quote | #16 |
Hope it all works out for you. It's a challenge I'm sure, the dance-cheerleading problem and the custody, but I also believe that if you are true and always there for her, it will all work out...just not overnight. Good Luck |
| |
